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Golf Complaints

Four senior golfers hit the course, some of them with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.

“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.

“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, “Quit your dang complaining and just be thankful we’re still on the RIGHT SIDE of the grass!”

 

*****

Yeah, things look a little different on the root side of the grass! 

Have a wonderful weekend!

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PithyNess

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Romans 12:4-5

Romans 12:4-5“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved.

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Bible, Faith, Verse

The Ocean Test

 

You are most comfortable when you are doing something that’s totally foreign to you. You love new things.

You believe in transparency and honesty. The truth hurts, but you’d like to know it.

You seek a bit more depth in your life, but you are slowly changing. You don’t like to rush anything.

You believe that if you look closely enough at people, they all have their own unique beauty.

“You Are Reflective and Thoughtful”

 

The Ocean Test

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*****

Uh, no, don’t love new things!  Love my tried and true!  Love my routines! 

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The Biologist and the Frog

A biologist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump.

He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, “Jump, frog, jump!” The frog jumped across the room.

The biologist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, “Frog with four legs jumped eight feet.” Then he cut the frog’s front legs off.

Again he ordered, “Jump, frog, jump!” The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet.

After measuring the distance, the biologist noted in his journal, “Frog with two legs jumped three feet.” Next, the biologist cut off the frog’s back legs.

Once more, he shouted, “Jump, frog, jump!” The frog just lay there. “Jump, frog, jump!” the biologist repeated. Nothing.

The biologist noted in his journal, “Frog with no legs – lost its hearing.”

 

*****

Sometimes, this seems pretty typical with the state of things!  Maybe we just have too many biologists running around! 

Have a fantastic weekend!

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Psalm 16:8

Psalm 16:8“I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved.

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Bible, Faith, Verse

1 John 5:12

1 John 5:12“Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.” Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved.

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Bible, Faith, Verse

The Beach Test

 

You are a loner, and you’re fine with that. You find the most fulfillment in solitude. And you never feel more lonely than when you’re in a crowd.

You fall in love with ease and confidence. Even if you’ve had bad experiences in the past, each new love is a reason to start completely over.

You are a deep and contemplative person. You are as passionate as everyone else, but your passion is not always apparent.

Your sense of humor is very physical. Your facial expressions or spot on imitations of people are hilarious.

“You Are Quietly Passionate”

The Beach Test

Blogthings: 100’s of Fun, Free Quizzes!

*****

Kinda scary how close to home this one hits!

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Quantas Mechanics and Pilots

The claim is made that after every flight, QANTAS pilots fill out a form, known as a ‘gripe sheet’ to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form.

The following are maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a ‘P’) and the solutions recorded (marked by an ‘S’) by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humor:

———-

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced.

———-

P: Test flight OK, auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

———-

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

———-

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back order.

———-

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Can’t reproduce problem on the ground.

———-

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

———-

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

———-

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what friction locks are for.

———-

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

———-

P: Suspect crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you’re right.

———-

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

———-

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

———-

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

———-

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed in cockpit.

———-

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

*****

These always make me laugh out loud!  If they’re not true, they ought to be! 

Have a terrific weekend!

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Sad Day For Music

Has anyone else noticed that Miss Aretha, and Elvis, “left the building” on the same day? 

The Queen of Soul – Aug 16, 2018

The King of Rock and Roll – Aug 16, 1977

Sadness.

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Current Events, Aretha Franklin, Deaths, Elvis, Music

PithyNess

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1 Corinthians 6:19-20

1 Corinthians 6:19-20“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved.

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Bible, Faith, Verse

The Sand and Surf Test

 

“You Are Tranquil”

You are able to stand back and really appreciate the ebb and flow of life. You find peace even in troubled times.

You know that all bad things eventually pass, and you have a broad perspective that others yearn for.

You focus on the present as much as possible. You aren’t weighed down by thoughts of the past or future.

You seek balance, and with that balance comes bliss. You have found your happy place, and you’re content to stay there a while.

 

This is one of the results from the quiz, The Sand and Surf Test

*****

I use to have a little printed “poster” on my wall that I made, that said, “This too shall pass.” 

I think “happy place” might be overdoing it but I have learned to be content.  For the time being. 

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Groaners Anyone?

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight.  These, of course, are only round figures.

What is the purpose of reindeer?  It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

There were two ships. One was painted red.  One was painted blue.  They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.  I rang her up and asked, ‘Did you get my drift?’

Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant’s fingers.

Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental.

*****

Oh how punny!  lol

Have an awesome weekend!

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PithyNess

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Psalm 119:130

Psalm 119:130“The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.” Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved.

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Bible, Faith, Verse

The Bay Test

“You Are Perceptive”

 

You are a highly sensitive person, and you are very in tune with how everything looks, tastes, sounds, feels, and smells.

You have a stronger than normal appreciation for art and nature. You notice every beautiful, subtle detail.

You are gentle and sensitive when dealing with others. You have strong opinions and feelings, but you rarely express them directly.

 

You are the type of person who is more likely to express yourself via art, writing, or music. It’s all there between the lines.

 

The Bay Test

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*****

Funny.  I score as an HSP on all those Myers-Briggs tests, too.

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Writer’s Block

I was helping my 8 year old write a paper for school. We had writer’s block so I suggested we find a thesaurus. She laughed at me and said, “Good luck! They’ve been extinct for millions of years.”

==========

LOL  This one needs a *rimshot*. 

Although, with the current state of the language now days, that kid just may be right! 

Have a terrific weekend!

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