A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
The husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’
‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’
*****
This one always makes me chuckle!
Have a great weekend!
| James 4:10“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”
Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved. |
Have you ever had a January start out so rough that it felt like the whole year was doomed?
I’ve kind of had a January like that.
I think I’ve spent more time in bed trying to recover than I’ve spent doing anything else. If it hasn’t been one thing, it’s been another.
Thankfully, I’ve had my blog on auto-pilot and had some posts already up, but I do have a lot to catch up on in the blogosphere.
One tiny bright spot though, I did manage to finish rendering my bacon fat. Now, that may not seem like much to you, but you reach for any silver lining you can find sometimes and it’s nice to check a box on my “done” list, so I’m claiming it. 
There’s nothing like a plate of eggs cooked in bacon butter to make a body feel better.
And how has your 2020 been so far?
Love, Vanessa
You are a rational and logical person. You are good at solving problems.
So if you’re cold, it makes sense to just put another layer on. You are very practical that way.
You are rarely unprepared in life. You would never forget your gloves and hat on a cold day.
You’re ready for anything that comes your way. By being responsible, you find it easy to relax and enjoy life.
This is one of the results from the quiz, How Should You Stay Warm?
*****
Thank goodness for furry, fuzzy blankets!
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court …
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
***
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
***
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
***
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
***
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
*****
That last one! I like to imagine the lawyer’s face! 
Have an epic weekend!
| Matthew 7:12“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved. |
You are calm and relaxed. You seek out serenity and tranquility.
You are agreeable… to a point. You know when it’s time to do your own thing.
Building real and deep relationships matters to you. You are a person of substance looking for others of substance.
You are accommodating and peace-seeking. You do your best to make others happy.
This is one of the results from the quiz, The Snowman Test
*****
Yeah, it’s that “to a point” thing that seems to really bother other people!
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back – eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
*****
LOL Sometimes I wonder if she got a ticker for confessing to speeding. 
Have a lovely weekend!
| Galatians 3:26-28“So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
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Unlike most people, you are truly interested in and open to the world around you.
You don’t judge anything until you know it well. You are happy to step outside your comfort zone to try something new.
You are rare in your ability to take in many new sites, sounds, and ideas at once. You don’t get overwhelmed.
Like a snowflake, you believe life is more about the journey than the final destination.
This is one of the results from the quiz, The Snowflake Test
*****
Oh, yes I do get overwhelmed! I just try not to show it. And if I show it, that probably means trouble somehow.
One weekend, a couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow! Please move your car to the even numbered side of the street so that the street sweepers can come through!”
So the wife goes out and moves her car.
The next weekend, the couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, “We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow! Please move your car to the odd numbered side of the street so that the street sweepers can come through!”
So the wife goes out and moves her car.
The next weekend, the couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, “We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow! Please move your car to the-“
And suddenly the power went out. The wife said to her husband, “I didn’t hear which side of the street to move the car to. Do you know which side of the street I should move the car to?”
And her husband nicely suggested to her, “Honey, why don’t you leave the car in the garage this time?”
*****
What a novel idea! Cars in garages! Whodathunk?!
Notice how no one ever questions the foot of snow every weekend in this story?
Have a wonderful, snow-free, weekend!
How awesome for there to be a National Keto Day! I had no idea! And this is perfect timing too, for that kick in the pants I’ve needed to get back in the groove.
Click the link on the bottom for more information!
Love, Vanessa
NATIONAL KETO DAY
National Keto Day hits January 5th with an approach to transforming our health. Recent research suggests the high-fat, low-carb ketogenic or ‘keto’ diet offers a number of benefits.
[…]
HOW TO OBSERVE #NationalKetoDay
If you’re considering the keto approach to a healthier lifestyle, or are already engaged in it, whip up your best keto meal or snack, and post a pic of it to Instagram using the hashtag #NationalKetoDay. For every post, The Vitamin Shoppe will donate $5 to Blessings in a Backpack, a non-profit organization that provides food on weekends to elementary school children across America who might otherwise go hungry.
You can also stop into your local The Vitamin Shoppe the weekend of the 5th to sample various keto products for free. Make sure to follow @vitaminshoppe on Instagram for more details!
NATIONAL KETO DAY HISTORY
The Vitamin Shoppe founded National Keto Day on January 5, 2019, to educate and bring awareness to the ketogenic diet and further highlight the many health benefits a keto lifestyle offers.
In 2019, the Registrar at National Day Calendar® proclaimed National Keto Day to be observed annually on January 5th.
| Isaiah 1:16-17“Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight; stop doing wrong. Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”
Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved. |
You feel like something good will happen to you in the next few weeks.
You have an amazingly strong work ethic. You are likely to be very successful in life.
You are an independent, individualistic person. You thrive when you’re doing your own thing.
Your biggest worry in life is your family. You stay up at night thinking about them.
When it comes time to relax, you really indulge. You are all about your favorite comforts.
This is one of the results from the quiz, The Snow Test
*****
All about comforts, hahaha. Nap anyone? My kindergarten teacher would be proud of me now, I used to hate naps so much.
