Vanessence: #atozchallenge Brought To You By The Letter F

Thursday, April 7, 2016

#atozchallenge Brought To You By The Letter F

Word of the Day: Following

It’s funny how I have a sort of knee-jerk response to this word. A tiny one, depending on how it’s used, but it’s still there.

I could say, “I’m following this blog, or that website,” and it’s not an issue at all. But if it’s used in a context that implies something like being brain-washed, or a groupie, I kind of … well, let’s just say it hits the fan. Internally, but I feel it.

My parents were divorced when I was young, and as I grew, any time I had a dispute with one of them, they’d accuse me of being brain-washed by the other. If I was silent, I guess they thought that implied some kind of agreement, but if I disagreed, then I was brain-washed, an idiotic follower who didn’t have sense enough to come in out of the rain.

Like there’s anything wrong with rain!

It never occurred to either one of them that perhaps it was their own behavior or beliefs or opinions with which I disagreed. They never should have had an Irish kid, lol.

As my first marriage crashed and burned, my mother was certain that someone or something had brain-washed me against her and my ex. “Who are you following?” she’d demand.

“My own damn self!” I’d respond.

She was always certain I must have been following after some quasi-guru or something because surely I’d be in agreement with her if I wasn’t.

Even after I re-married, if I disagreed with her about anything, she’d accuse me of being a follower. “You’re just following that man you married!”

Despite all those years of me disagreeing with her about numerous things, she still accused me of being a follower, a groupie basically, with no ability to think for myself.

No one, except for my husband, seemed to understand, I follow no man. That’s part of why he’s my husband, because he never expected or wanted me to follow him, just walk beside him.

I am, of course, speaking of human men. I do follow Jesus, and have no trouble saying that out loud. I just pray you won’t judge Him based on how I follow Him, because I’m not very good at it. Following was never my forte.

*****